Torment

Copyright – Douglas M. MacIlroy

In a corner, beneath a pile of stained, torn couch cushions, something moved. A leg appeared, clad in striped tights, then another, clad in blue jeans. Some cushions fell away, revealing the mutilated bodies of his children, melded together into a single misshapen form.

“Daddy! Did you bring my cookie?”

Anger and frustration welled up inside him. He clenched his fists, swallowed hard to clear the lump in his throat. “You bastard, let my children go.”

“Now now David, we talked about this. You’ll play my game for a little bit longer, then I’ll tell you how things will be.”

***

Full version

The house loomed in front of him, white-washed wooden walls lifeless as the pale skin of a corpse.

His stomach tightened to a knot as he inserted the key in the front door, turned it then pushed the door gently open with nary a creak.

No children laughing, no wife calling their names. Just shadows everywhere where there had once been life…

…and a presence that made his eyes widen and the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

It was here, there could be no doubt of this.

“Daddy…”

His daughter’s voice, calling from the parlour. Then it used his son’s voice as well, in unison.

“Daddy…”

With leaden feet he trod towards the parlour door, desperately trying to think of a way out. As he stepped through the portal a sickly sweet stench filled his nostrils and mouth, making him gag as his eyes watered.

He put on the ancient bronze diver’s helmet, as per the creature’s prior instructions.

The drapes had been drawn. Squinting through the gloom and his tears he saw furniture overturned and broken. The walks were smeared with something (blood? Shit?), the floor covered with garbage.

He heard his daughter laugh, that sweet baby laugh she’d had, before…

…before that thing had wormed its way into his life, and taken his children hostage.

In a corner, beneath a pile of stained, torn couch cushions, something moved. He approached, slowly. A leg appeared, clad in striped tights, then another, clad in blue jeans. Some of the cushions fell away, revealing the mutilated bodies of his children, melded together into a single misshapen form. His son’s head grinned and drooled, while the daughter’s head spoke.

“Daddy! Did you bring my cookie?”

Anger and frustration welled up inside him. He clenched his fists, swallowed hard to clear the lump in his throat. “You bastard, let my children go.”

“Now now David, we talked about this didn’t we? You’ll play my game for a little bit longer, then I’ll tell you how things will be.”

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About TheImaginator

35 year old sciolist living in Tokyo. I like swing dancing, Twitter word games, writing, using Stumbleupon.com, reading, and watching movies. I write stuff on my blog occasionally.
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20 Responses to Torment

  1. subroto says:

    Sometimes it is better indeed to read the longer version of the story 🙂 Nicely done, I think I want a part deux.

  2. Danny James says:

    Glad you included the longer version. Creepy, very creepy.

    DJ

  3. Shandra says:

    Very creepy ! Waiting for part next…

  4. Thanks for the long version. Although, it is quite scary and weird. Hope he gets his children back, or is it too late?

  5. Judah First says:

    Very eerie. The only thing I would change in the long version is the word “once” appears twice in the same sentence:
    Just shadows everywhere where there had once been life…
    …and a presence that at once made his eyes widen and the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.
    Sorry, this is a kind of pet peeve in my own writing. 🙂 The second phrase “at once” really could be left out altogether. I actually think the sentence is stronger without it. Just a thought. I like both versions of your story (long and short).

  6. Definitely creepy.
    janet

  7. “…mutilated bodies of his children, melded together into a single misshapen form”…so many creepy wonderful ideas where this could go from here. 🙂

  8. Well written. I can only say that I hope it’s temporary. Both versions were good. 🙂

  9. misskzebra says:

    The fact that the children don’t seem to be at all bothered by this makes the story all the more eerie.

  10. unspywriter says:

    Shivery, and, yes, the longer version gave needed insight. Well done.

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