Duel at dawn

Gulls fighting on beach

Copyright – E.A. Wicklund

A breeze caressed his face as he looked across the bay to the horizon, noting the grey light pushing back the darkness, causing moon and stars to fade.

It was almost time for the duel.

He felt the chill of the damp, gravelly sand through the soles of his bare feet.  He stamped about a little, flexing his toes so that the grains squished and roiled underneath.

“So, you have come.”

Stirred from his reverie, he turned to face his adversary.

“Course, though I’m surprised you’re here.”

“What’s that?!”

“Surprised you had the balls.”

“Bastard!  I’ll shit down your throat!”

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About TheImaginator

35 year old sciolist living in Tokyo. I like swing dancing, Twitter word games, writing, using Stumbleupon.com, reading, and watching movies. I write stuff on my blog occasionally.
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43 Responses to Duel at dawn

  1. Dear Imaginator,

    Concise dialogue, although that last line kicked in my gag reflexes. En garde!

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  2. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear Imaginator,

    Is your link to Rochelle’s story an homage or a reference to the nature of your protagonist’s opponent?

    Aloha,

    Doug

  3. Sandra says:

    You know the nicest people… 😉

  4. Adam Ickes says:

    That’s quite the last line. I think I’d probably laugh if someone said that to me because it’s so off the wall and would catch me off guard, though I dont think that’s the response he’s going for.

  5. Ahh that will be a duel… what’s the retort to that?

  6. I liked your descriptions in the first and third paragraphs. Made me feel and see what your narrator was feeling and seeing. I think here, “noting the grey light pushing back the darkness causing moon and stars to fade” that a comma between “darkness” and “causing” would say what I think you mean, that the grey light was causing the moon and starts to fade, not the darkness. As for the last line, very vivid, but I’m with Rochelle!! 🙂

    janet

    • Thank you. I agonised over the positioning of that comma for a while; I wondered if putting a comma there would indicate that it was the grey light or the protagonist pushing back the darkness.

  7. Haha, you could change your name to The Intimidator!

  8. kz says:

    lol you nailed this one. last line was awesome. 🙂

  9. A fine riposte, darling! “I’ll shit down your throat!” Hilarious!

  10. DCTdesigns says:

    Absolutely hilarious. Might be the best avian duel I’ve ever read.

  11. hugmamma says:

    Nothing left to the imagination! 🙂

  12. zookyworld says:

    Such poetry in the beginning, with gray light pushing back darkness and the grains of sand …. and then the last line brings the nasty threat. It startled me when I read it, and I realized … oh baby, it’s on like gulls at dawn!

  13. Linda Vernon says:

    It’s amazing to me how you got from your first line (which was wonderful!) to your last line in only 100 words!

  14. It was tempting to go Jonathan Livingston Seagull here, and love the route you took toward that. That last line, brilliant! Cracked me up.

  15. They seem to dislike each other just a bit! 🙂
    Scott
    Mine: http://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2013/10/02/5427/

  16. Steve Lakey says:

    Excellent. It’s that killer last line that does it!

  17. It works well with the picture. Who knows what epic duels animals have when no one is around?

  18. pattisj says:

    You know your gulls pretty well! I mistakenly left my car window down on a ferry once. Thankfully, it only got on the car seat.

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